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TRANSCRIPT

3 Compassionate Practices for Dealing with Difficult People

We all struggle with people that we’ve deemed to be difficult in our lives. We have, as a result of this, shunned people or pushed them out of the door in the hopes that we never see them again or we reluctantly show up to family gatherings wishing that the people that we have the hardest time with would just leave us alone.

I want you to know that nobody should have that much power over you and that I want you to develop a space of compassion for these individuals where you once experienced a sense of struggle.

Recognizing that the inflection point of resistance that you’re experiencing is within you, that more often than not it really doesn’t have anything to do with the other person no matter how outlandish or outspoken or judgmental or critical they may actually even be.

My sweet friends, nobody should be able to knock you off of your center and I want to empower you to stay firmly rooted in connection in the midst of every interaction especially those with some of the most challenging and difficult people that you deal with on a daily basis.

I’ve discovered that in any moment I have two choices; the first is to either be my loving self and meet this individual with empathy and compassion, find some place of commonality on a level of my humanity so that I can extend a bridge from where I am to where they are ending the separation that keeps me rooted in suffering.

The other approach is to simply move to a place of fear around it and remove myself from the interaction so much so that quite honestly people end up disappearing from my life. I end up missing out on the parts of the relationship that are functional, that do work, that are harmonious, and ultimately, I end up missing a pivotal moment or opportunity to be empowered in the face of whatever’s going on and there’s a huge difference that you begin to experience in life and living when you start to access these strategies.

You see, when you approach someone from a space of love, you’re coming from the part of you that is authentically aligned with your truth. When you approach someone from fear, you’re coming from a vibrational place that’s dissonant and disconnected and it just further perpetuates the sense of separation that you and they are already feeling and experiencing.

You know I’ve had many an opportunity in my life to practice empathy and especially with individuals who are rude or distasteful or who in some way feel obliged to smear their limited perception over everyone else. I’ve discovered quite honestly that that behavior comes from insecurity, that there is something in them that needs them to be as loud as they are, that there is some core wounding that they are acting from, that there is something in them that remains unresolved and more often than not through this way of being they’re actually hurting themselves more than they are anyone else and so having compassion for these people, having empathy for these individuals allows you and them an opportunity for them to find a different way of being and a different way of showing up.

Also, I’ve discovered through the course of my life that people that trigger me and that people that are challenging are actually supporting me in my growth.

The more I’m conscious and aware about that, the more I’m able to then lean into the interaction and the discomfort to then find a place of peace and connection in the midst of it.

Also, I’ve discovered that being mindful of the bigger picture, recognizing that what’s unfolding is a part of my greater journey is an opportunity to integrate unconscious fears and patterns that I have.

This mindfulness provides me a vital shift out of my survival based instincts into metacognition, into spaciousness, into presence, into a space where I can be available for; and so, in these simple steps that we can take, we can move away from aversion and repulsion into more of the state of inclusion.

Now I’m not advocating that you hang out with the most abusive, degrading person in your life for extended periods of time. But what I am saying is that we must embrace these parts of ourselves first and foremost so that then we can experience freedom in the presence of others who are displaying these behaviors.

By virtue of the fact that we are human, we all have the capacity to display these qualities at some point in our lives. Empathy, compassion and seeing the bigger picture allows us to hold a space of love in the midst of whatever is arising. In that way we are never knocked off of our connection and we are never knocked off of center.